such a bittersweet experience. this season. we lost. i guess theres nothing more to it because we did do our best at that pt of time. but anyway. i still <3 rj netball 2006 so much. so many sweet times we've had. the great company. its still worth it. you guys did well and i'm so so proud of you guys.. honestly. i am.

and finally i can act and feel as i like instead of having to think about how my emotions could affect the team. yesterday when mich broke down and told the team to stop crying and to stay strong for the team somehow i just got so overwhelmed and after we cheered for the last time all those emotions ive felt for the team. for netball for the entire yr just gushed out of me despite how hard i was trying to force them down.

and now that i can moan/go into depression/curse/kill someone about all the unbearable times i had to go through. suddenly it all seems pointless after i had to keep them in for so long. not being able to step onto that tp court to fight for my sch and my team. will forever be this gap in me that will not be filled no matter what. candera was talking to me about this whole issue and how upset it got her. and she said she totally couldnt tell that i was upset about the whole thing this whole time. that means i did a good job keeping up that front for the team right? but somehow it doesnt make me feel as happy as i thought it would not have played my part as vcapt. guess in the end. all i wanted was the chance to play my heart out for my team. screw it i will just put it aside somewhere and let time just make it all fade away.

thanks yogi ching and kenny for coming down. whether its to skip bio or to support us. i'm sorry i didnt get to play for you guys.

those tears. dammit

kissandtell
9:04 PM